Why do I sound like I’m spouting cliques when I’m being entirely sincere? Why do I feel like I’m unable to express how sorry I am without making it seem like I’m looking for you to tell me, “it’s ok.” I swear I’m not looking for that. I realize it’s not ok and it’s not fine just because it’s what I want. It’s horrible and maybe I really am looking for you to get angry and tell me how horrible I am. But you won’t because you’re understanding and kind. And so I keep repeating myself and hating every word I say and neither of us feels any better and maybe that’s just life and I can’t fix something when I’m the one destroying it so who am I to keep trying to. I am so sick of hearing myself speak and I’m sure you are too so I will make more of an effort to shut the fuck up.
steph